And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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