glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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