And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
