That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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