You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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