You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
