Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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