Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize