we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
