my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
