two words: eviction party
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
