Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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