I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A+ Viking dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
