Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
