im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
