Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize