As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
