I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize