Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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