I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
