i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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