i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
