We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
