Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
