Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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