that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
