I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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