why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my liver is dry heaving
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
