The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
