I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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