My nipple is on Facebook.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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