we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made him laugh his dick is mine
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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