I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
