Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
