I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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