jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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