My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
