i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is the high leading the old right now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
