P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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