this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
