took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
