She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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