jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
