sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
