Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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