everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
