The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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