mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When are your genitals available?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
