R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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