Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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