can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize