he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
