She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
