She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We just shotgunned beers for America
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize