it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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