just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
