Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize