Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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