I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
