Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
