if you like me you must not know who I am
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
