Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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