I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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