Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
