Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
