Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
