I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
