I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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