One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize