o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
