I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
