My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
