eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
