her vagine was all disorganized.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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