3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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