scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
