my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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