just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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