I just pynch a tree in the face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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